X-Men: The Musical (I Wish)
I’m pretty new to the genre of comic book movies (still haven’t seen any of the Batmans except the recent Batman Begins, and I haven’t seen any of the Supermans, though Porpoise informs me that I will be going to see Superman Returns later this summer). But, hey, I’m willing to try anything that has Hugh Jackman and Ian McKellen.
So I watched the first two X-Men movies a few weeks ago in preparation for X-Men: The Last Stand. They were fun. And I loved Alan Cumming’s neurotic blue vampirish-looking mutant Nightcrawler—I’m so disappointed he didn’t return for the third movie. Maybe they felt they already had enough blue characters. Or maybe Cumming was too busy in rehearsals for The Threepenny Opera.
Anyway, because of my lack of experience in the genre, I feel unqualified to say a whole lot about X-Men: The Last Stand. I liked Kelsey Grammer’s (also blue) character Beast, especially his attempt (soon abandoned) to quote Churchill in the midst of battle. I was annoyed that the filmmakers chickened out on some of their plot decisions at the end (though, admittedly, it seems to be a feature of the X-Men universe that no one stays dead—ever). I appreciated the ethical issues raised by the film, but I thought that the resolution failed—if you’re going to present answers to a question, make sure they’re tenable answers.
Mostly, though, I’m annoyed at Manohla Dargis, She Who Writes Asinine Reviews for the NY Times. I love the other Times movie reviewers, especially A.O. Scott, whose Da Vinci Code review had me in stitches. But, even when I agree with Dargis’s overall judgment, she makes some sort of factual error or ludicrous claim that makes me want to give the paper to the Cherub and let her shred it (I usually encourage her to shred Porpoise’s Wall Street Journal editorials).
Witness her X-Men 3 review, which bears the title “X-Men: The Last Stand Asks Are Mutants Born or Made, and Should They Be Cured?” Now, I ask you, where, in any of the X-Men movies, does anyone ask whether the mutants are born or made? Nowhere. The mutants are born that way, plain and simple. Perhaps Dargis imagines that she heard this question being asked because she insists on seeing the movie as an allegory about LGBT people. Now, there were definitely moments in the movie during which I thought of parallels to the struggles of gays, but there were also times when I saw parallels to identity issues for disabled people, not to mention the obvious references to the Holocaust and other genocides. To pin the movie down as an allegory for any of these single issues is to deny all the other possible references it can have.
Anyway, I’ve been wanting to rant about Manohla Dargis for a while, and I had to seize my chance. I’m hoping some of you will have more relevant commentary about X-Men 3. I know that slightlyjillian really liked it, while Possum thought it was even worse than The Da Vinci Code. So feel free to present your pro- and con- arguments here!
Oh, and I just have to say that I’m really disappointed that Hugh Jackman is going to do a spin-off Wolverine movie. I love Hugh, but the time he spends doing action movies detracts from his time on the stage. He’s not even going to host the Tonys this year—sniff! I mean, look at him in Oklahoma: wouldn’t you rather hear him sing “Poor Jud Is Dead” than see him flex his claws in a quite possibly sub-par action spin-off? So, please: no Wolverine movies unless there is singing and dancing. And bring Alan Cumming back, too!
11 comments May 30th, 2006